Three Years

Three years ago today I married the man of my dreams, John. (Our anniversary is March 13th, but since it's after midnight, this post will probably have the date of the 14th on it). He is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and caring people I know. I have learned so much from him and admire so many qualities I see in him.

There were so many years I longed to be married and so many years I felt like God had forgotten about me or wasn't concerned with the desires of my heart. There was even a span of time in which I was so convinced of that, I took matters into my own hands. I started dating someone who was great "on paper" and I just knew God would approve. In fact, why hadn't God already thought of this and let things happen with this person sooner? But pretty soon into the relationship I realized that although his qualities looked good when I listed them on a piece of paper, there was not a real connection between us. And actually, there were some things about him that weren't as they had seemed...but I was tired of being alone and hey, being with SOMEone was better than being with NOone, so I stuck with it much longer than I knew was best. The Lord tried several times to tell me that this guy wasn't the one and that I should be moving on...but I resisted and stuck with it, trying like everything to make the relationship work. Then all of a sudden, it clicked. It was never going to work. And then something else clicked. I didn't really need someone as badly as I thought I did. I'm not sure how I stumbled upon these verses, but they had a big impact on they way I started to look at my life and my singleness specifically. In the New International Version of the Bible, Matthew 7:9-11 reads:

9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

So many times during my struggle with being a single adult I thought I was being handed a stone when I had asked for bread. I had asked God so many times to make a relationship work and was disappointed so many times when it didn't work out. But now I can see how many loaves of bread God actually handed me - all those times the relationships didn't work out were just preparing me and saving me for the one God had intended for me all along. He really was being faithful to me and caring for me and the desires of my heart all along.

Here's a little story for you: One day, a little boy was playing outside with his friends when the smell of freshly baked cupcakes wafted his way. He ran inside and grabbed one off of the cooling rack. "Wait!!" His mother begged. "I haven't put the icing on them yet! Hand it back to me and I will put the icing on it, making it even more delicious." The little boy obeyed his mother, handed the cupcake back to her and waited eagerly but patiently as his mother put the finishing touches on it.

Once those things I mentioned before "clicked" and I surrendered my singleness back to God, I wrote the word CUPCAKES in big letters on a small piece of paper and kept it in my Bible. It was my little reminder that God was looking out for me and the desires of my heart - all I had to do was trust Him and give back to him what I was holding on to so tightly. I never realized God's faithfulness could be so good. These past three years with John have proven to be more wonderful than I could have ever imagined marriage could be.