In His Grip

Dada was one of John David's first words and he has used it abundantly for a really long time. He only said Mommy about 2 months ago but went straight from not calling me anything (other than with grunts and gestures) to calling me Mommy, never really using "Mama" as a stepping stone. But for some reason, he has stuck to "Dada" when referring to John...until this past weekend. At first it came out something like "Da-ee", skipping the "d" in the middle. But very shortly thereafter, he abondoned the term "Dada" and came out with the word "Dad-key" when referring to John. It's the cutest and funniest thing!

When I was pregnant with John David and first found out that he was a boy I was so surprised. I just knew it was going to be a girl! There wasn't a sense of disappointment or anything negative, just shock that it was a boy and not a girl. From the time I found out that girls could be mommies I've wanted to be one. And I think it was about that time that I started imagining me with my little girl, someday, in the far off future. (I had no idea back then just how far off mommyhood would be for me! But God is faithful and works everything out on his time and not on ours.) So after I got over the shock that we were having a boy, I started to realize the awesome responsibility given to John and me - we would be raising a man. That concept brings me daily to the feet of Jesus, asking for guidance, wisdom and discernment for John and me as we learn the ropes of parenthood.

The first few weeks of John David's life are sometimes a blur to me. The lack of sleep and exhaustion of nursing a very hungry but lazy newborn often got the best of me. However, there is one memory I have that is clear as a bell. I was nursing John David and praying for him as I stroked his tiny hands and feet. I was overcome with emotion as I realized that one day, his feet would take him places, perhaps far away places, and his hands would do work, hopefully noble work. The Lord was beginning to reveal to me one of my first realizations about parenthood. This child is not my child, but the Lord's. He has given him to John and me to enjoy and to love and to teach and even to learn from, but he is a gift from God and here for the Lord's purpose, whatever that purpose may be. I pray that John David's identity will be grounded in a relationship with Jesus and that John and I will learn to hold on to John David tightly, but not too tightly. And I pray that we will practice what we plan to teach him, to rest in the fact that we are living in the grip of God's amazing grace.